Do You Have Sexual Anxiety?

Anxiety can affect every part of your life, including your sex life. Sexual performance anxiety, including feelings of fear and uneasiness, may cause trouble connecting with your partner and experiencing pleasure.¹

It’s entirely normal to have some stress when it comes to sex, but overwhelming negative feelings can negatively impact a relationship. Read on to learn about sexual anxiety, including symptoms, ways to cope, and more.

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What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety can be a short-term reaction to stress or a chronic (long-term) disorder. You might have feelings of fear, restlessness, tension, and uneasiness if you are anxious. Anxiety may have an impact on how you behave and think. Anxious thoughts can persist for long periods, causing you to avoid things you usually enjoy.²

What Is Sexual Anxiety?

It’s completely normal to feel some anxiety when it comes to sex. As many as 25% of people who identify as men and 16% of people who identify as women experience sexual anxiety.¹ You might develop anxious feelings about one specific aspect of sex or several things about it.

Sexual anxiety can affect any part of the sexual response cycle, including arousal, desire, and orgasm. You may avoid certain types of sexual activity or be afraid of getting caught having sex, for example.³

Sexual Anxiety Symptoms

Your body can show signs of sexual anxiety through symptoms like:²³

• A pounding or rapid heartbeat
• An inability to have or maintain an erection
• Feeling dizzy
• Painful sex
• Shortness of breath
• Sweating
• Trouble getting aroused

Causes 

It’s not entirely clear what causes anxiety, but factors like genetics and stress can increase your risk.² Negative feelings and thoughts might result in sexual anxiety. You might have a fear that you will be unable to perform sexually and have a negative body image and self-consciousness. Some people can develop sexual anxiety as a result of previous sexual experiences.³

A review published in 2016 found that consuming pornographic content can lead to unrealistic expectations about sex. The researchers noted that people may develop sexual dysfunction if real-life experiences do not meet those perceptions.⁴

How Anxiety Can Affect Your Sex Life 

Understanding how your mood affects other parts of your life is the first step to getting the help you need. Here are some signs that anxiety may be affecting your sex life.

Decreased Confidence

People with sexual anxiety may have a lack of self-confidence, including feeling self-conscious about their bodies and how they look. Focusing on yourself and how you look can distract you from sexual activity, making it difficult for you to become aroused.⁵

You may experience a lack of confidence due to feelings of being sexually incompetent. Thinking about how well you will perform can also distract you from sexual activity.⁵

Difficulties With Orgasm

Sexual anxiety can affect your ability to reach orgasm. A study published in 2018 found that worrying can limit sexual arousal and how often you orgasm.⁶

Anxiety and other mental health conditions might also cause erectile dysfunction.⁷ Those physical changes, along with anxious thoughts, can alter your awareness of sexual stimulation and inhibit orgasm.

Intimacy Avoidance

There may be times when sexual anxiety keeps you from being close to your partner. Sex can make you wary of your partner or fearful of sex itself, for example, if you develop anxiety from previous assault or trauma. Talking with a mental healthcare provider might help you feel more comfortable with sexual activity.

Low Libido

Anxious feelings might lower your sex drive. Feeling overwhelmed might take over your thoughts and prevent you from being in the mood to have sex.

Certain medications that treat anxiety might also cause low libido. Some of the main side effects of antidepressants, for example, are an inability to have sex and reduced sexual desire.⁸

Reduced Partner Communication

Communication is essential when it comes to sex. A study published in 2019 found that couples who do not talk about sexual and non-sexual concerns might be likelier to have sex-related issues than those who do.⁹

There may be things that keep you from discussing your comfort levels, needs, and wants when it comes to sex. Any experiences you have related to existing sexual issues might increase anxious feelings. Those feelings, as a result, may make it hard to talk to a partner about sex.¹⁰

Coping With Sexual Anxiety

Sexual anxiety might go away on its own. Anxious feelings may become overwhelming in some cases and negatively affect a relationship. It’s essential to address any uneasiness that you feel about sex and remove false beliefs that you are unable to satisfy your partner.¹¹

Here are some ways to cope with sexual anxiety:¹¹

• Communicate: Keep in mind that being honest is a way to potentially make your sex life better. Talking about any bottled-up feelings can be a relief. You might have a conversation with your partner or consult a mental healthcare provider.
• Practice mindfulness: Focus on the moment, including your and your partner’s desires, needs, and wants. This self-awareness may prevent negative thoughts from distracting you from sexual activity.
• Reframe negative thoughts: Negative thoughts, such as “I will not satisfy my partner,” can amplify anxious feelings. Try replacing those thoughts with positive imagery and self-talk.
• Try relaxation techniques: These include deep breathing, muscle relaxation, and yoga. You might try some of those techniques, such as breathing deeply, while engaging in different sexual activities.

Supporting Someone With Sexual Anxiety

You can help your partner if they have sexual anxiety. It’s important to be open to communication and take things slow. Encourage your partner to help boost their confidence without pressuring them into things too quickly.

Try focusing on sexual activities that you both enjoy and are comfortable with. Take the pressure off of reaching orgasm and instead connect with your partner intimately. Building security and trust may improve their self-esteem and reduce sexual anxiety.

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A Quick Review

Anxiety, which causes feelings of fear or worry, can come about in actions, feelings, and thoughts. Anxious thoughts can affect many parts of your life, including your sex life. You feel like you cannot talk to your partner about your desires or lack confidence about your body during sex. Talking to a mental healthcare provider can help you work through sexual anxiety.